Oh you're kidding...

Two or three days ago I was getting dressed for school (ha ha... ), doing what i do most mornings. One of these things is checking my hair. You never know when you may have a random piece of lint from your shirt smack dab in the middle of the back of you head. So I've got my bathroom mirror and a handheld one, and I'm checking and I'm searching, turning my head from side to side... I FOUND ONE! It wasn't lint, it was like this white, thin piece of thread, probably from some non-cotton fabric... So I'm getting a little closer to the light, slowly moving my hand to the exact point, bringing my fingers to a close around the thread... I got it. I pull it off and look at my fingers. I open them to see the thread (to make sure i got it) and I don't see it. Ooh it's a tough one, it's still in my hair. So i go at it again... and it's still in there! So I go at it a third time and PULL! A strand of hair comes out, but i got the sucker. HA HA! So now I'm pulling the thread apart from the strand of hair so i can look at it a little better, but it's knotted together (ah well). But then, as I looked at the strand-thread more closely I though to myself, "W-wait... wait a minute... Oh you're kidding. This isn't a piece of thread at all, it MY HAIR!" I had found my first flippin' gray hair. And it was creepy, man. Because when people I know have found a gray hair, the whole strand is gray. Not me. I could see the change in the strand from dark brown to gray, like paint. It was truly freaky. Looking at that gray hair that morning, I thought one thing: teaching had given me my first gray hair...!

I've been having a heck of a [rough] time this year so I shouldn't have been so surprised at the gray hair. I've been trying to think about a few things but haven't really had enough time to think about them. Should I stay at my school or go somewhere else? How do I decide? If I am going to go to a new school next year, where should I go? This has been a pretty big deal for me. A part of me wants to leave, just because my experience has not been generally positive. But I can't tell if the issues I've been having is because of my students, the administration, me being in my first year, the preps I'm teaching, or the number of preps I'm teaching. No clue. I'm thinking about looking into new job positions just to see what's available. Maybe even waving a job offer from another school at my current boss in order to get [more of] what i want.
I want to stay because I don't like quitting things. I have a big problem with that. I don't like the idea of my students thinking of me as just another teacher that had come in and out or of what we've been doing this year as useless. I also don't want to set myself up for another bad year. I know I haven't liked it where I am now. If I stay at my school for a second year when I had a chance to leave and it's still horrible again and I'm miserable again, then it's my own fault and I'm the moron. But on the other hand, is it worth going through a second first year of teaching just because of my current discontent? Can I gauge for myself how much easier teaching will be for me when I've got a completed year under my belt?

Decisions decisions... any insight you have on any of these questions would be greatly appreciated.

signed,

Confundida y Casi Muerta